It’s intimidating. Not exactly what it seems. I truly am not the person I used to be. I wonder where she went? Actually a single parent, but a parent nonetheless.
In high school I would stare at my classmate Ann. She had the most beautiful laugh. Whenever she did it went on and on like music. I would always stare. First at the sparkle in her eyes, perfect mouth, wavy hair and petite figure wondering if a girl could be any better than her. She never changed. She would always smile back. How could she be so happy? So whenever I thought of how my child would look, I always saw Ann. Wow. A word of advice, be careful what you ask for!
She came ten days after my birthday. A strong screaming voice booming through the hospital corridors to wake me. I knew that baby was mine. This made me so very happy because she would be nothing like me. The nurse brought her to me and she snuggled perfectly on my chest. Her breathing became slow and steady. It was perfect.
I had filled out adoption applications, giving up on having a child of my own. How could anyone be a parent without investing in a healthy relationship? Well never mind. The call came. A baby boy would be mine, but first I needed to be sure that I wasn’t already pregnant. I was uncertain. She moved early, the second month my body gave strange signals. Something wonderful was happening to me.
Now a days I pray asking God, “What did I do to deserve her?” I thank him for giving me exactly what I’d hoped motherhood would be. Mostly it’s better than anything I might have dreamed.